Movie Review: Cock & Bull Story

I saw your eyes light up on that title, didn't you. Mine did too. I mean, please, I used to exercise regularly with a boxing coach--so when I saw this title on a roster in the Advocate magazine, yeah, my eyebrows went up. A boxing and queer title.

My prayers had been answered. Now I didn't have to be a closet boxing fan anymore.

My mistake.

Lock the closet shut.

The movie hasn't arrive yet.

This movie sucks. I thought the last movie didn't have humor? This, I'm not sure how, has NEGATIVE humor. It's so busy trying to be dramatic, it actually sucks humor from you as you watch it. There is not a single smile, gaffuw or giggle in it's hour and a half.

The story is based on a play, and I have to say, you can tell which parts it was based on...it's the only point in the mess that makes sense for a moments. The rest, as the director/writer tries to fill in the backstory, is well, long and boring. Give us some credit! Let us put the pieces together! Please!

Why was this movie even in the queer cinema bin? It has two male characters who stand very, very close and call each other pejoratives a lot. Sounds like most straight couples, but this is two guys. Okay. And how is that gay?

Jacko, played by Brian Austin Green, is best buddies with Travis an up-and-coming boxer (don't they always seem to be that way? I mean, outside of Raging Bull, did anyone make a movie about someone trying to STAY a boxer?). Jacko is a loathsome facisimle of Rizzo in Midnight Cowboy. Even the same hairstyle. And Travis is so beautiful, he makes wearing the same color clothes for an entire movies something worth staring at. Why are they friends?

Because Travis says so. Repeatedly. It's never explained. Were they lovers? Secretly? It's never elaborated on. In fact, I began to hope Travis would crack the living shit out Jacko midway through the movie for the way he was being treated.

Or at least file for divorce.

But we don't know if they are together.

Ugh.

Brian Austin Green is really trying to get back into some kind of action, that much is evident, after his 90210 days. Heck, he even produced this puppy. It's too bad, because he kinda does stray from the pretty boy he portrayed on television. It's wasted, but it's there.

There is also something about the location. This really is the SouthSide of Chicago. You can smell the urine in the streets and the smoke is omnipresent. That part is good, but hardly a reason to watch this...the worse movie I've seen in some time.