Journal: The Sun

I have a love/hate relationship with the sun, I really do. I still can't freegin make up my mind about it. I love to sunbathe, I really do. I know it's risking cancer. I believe it's part of my own poor body image. I joking like to say that 'tan fat is better than white fat,' as if this some how justifies risking skin cancer, but I believe it's more potent then that. I've noticed over the years a huge jump in body modifications. Piercings and tattoos galore. And forgive me for this gross generalization, but I can't help thinking that the world at large hates their bodies and that's why we see so many tatts out there. It's not a question of if a body is too fat or too thin. It's people hate their physical forms of themselves and tatts, piercing and tans are ways of controlling the uncontrolable. Outside of genetics, we are all suffering.

And I like to tan, I really do. Maybe this is the reason? Yes I have tattoos and piercings as well. And yes, I've seen them on the beautiful people too, totally blowing my theory out of the water. But doesn't even the most beautiful male, blessed with a six pack abs wish that they were an 8-pack?

It's a vicious cycle.

But that is not the purpose of this writing. I'm supposed to be writing about the sun.

My partner and I haven't been feeling well at all this week. The weather has been crappy for some time now--and he blamed the weather last night.

I think he might be right.

For as much as I sunbathe, I hide from the great outdoors. I'm not outdoorsy, never really have been. I do like camping in tents. See what I mean about love/hate? But it goes to show you the profound impact this nearest star has on our lives. If it's gone, you notice. I do love the beach, but hate the heat. I love to travel to Florida and the like, but can only handle it so much.

I'm torn in my love for the sun. Kinda like eating healthy, right? You have to like it and respect it, but it never really tastes as good as an eclair.

There's no denying the sun gives us life.

But I live for the night life. I'm a night person. Recently, as I try to diagnose some sleeping problems--my therapist recommended my staying up later then usual so I sleep more through the night.

Not a problem. I can stay up all night.

So the sun plays with us some more. For me? It defines my personality. Like a vampire, I guess.

A vampire with decent color.