When you put your boots on a second time, is that a reboot?

Boom

Start with a Dad joke and just move into the post.

Right after Dad's day, too.

The fact is, I've been thinking of reboots for some time now. I was knocking Hollywood's massive proliferation of them and my annoyance with them. However, the straights with kids were all over me. They complained on that board that they would rather take their kid to a reboot where there's a possibility their kids might like it over something that may or may not be suitable.

Fuck. There's a point.

But, when you think about it, aren't, like, most Disney movies, like, a reboot? They always have the same formulaic pieces, they same outcomes. And, when it comes to horror (more of the horror porn variety), every sequel is a reboot. Or James Bond? Those are all reboots, too. Heck, and every picture in the Marvel Studios repertoire should probably be considered reboots, as they take the basic character from the previous film and reinsert their existence in a different manner.

But for me, I really, really wanted to like the reboot of Ghostbusters. I don't care about the gender of the character, I like ghosts and comedy and the cast. But it just didn't gel for me in a manner that was cohesive. Now? There's Oceans 8 in theaters. Reviews are good, the film seems strong. But, like, The Mummy? I so wanted that to work. It sank like Cruise's beards. I had a whole series of tales worked out for the Dark Universe. And they couldn't even make that work.

So what is a reboot we need?

Maybe? A good movie is still, in the end, a good movie. If Shakespeare can be presented over and over again in a creative manner, then yes, reboots are fine. Let's bring it to a different audience. Let's try something new.

For this reviewer, I look to reboots as a chance to do just that. Let's let another audience dance with the famed stories of the past

5. Hitchcock.

Okay, let's look at the Master of Suspense here and first figure out some main points. Hitch always had stories about the loss of self. The loss of identity. A majority of his characters were never themselves. Janet Leigh's Marion Crane in Psycho, becomes a thief and victim, but that is not where she starts. Roger Thornhill, Cary Grant's character in North by Northwest, is mistaken for a spy and people are trying to kill him. Barry Kane, Robert Cumming's character in Saboteur, is mistakenly accused of arson of military airplanes and his adventure trying to find the true guilty party is the basis for the film.

If we need a reboot, I see a trend here between his older titles and today. The fact is, we're losing our identity, both in reality and figuratively, over the internet. We post everything about ourselves, to the point were the 'self' is really a public thing that can be cut, edited, photoshopped, and utilized. Therein lies the power link between Hitchcock's symbolism and today's milieu.

Why aren't we revisiting these famous titles, but with the addition of cell phones, Google maps, and Lyfts? I can see Mr. Grant's businessman always on his cell phone, and the panic that sets in when the nation sees him on YouTube murdering an associate diplomat at the UN. His comfortable digital world suddenly being set into physical motion. Having to flee into a world he's never truly experience.

I'd buy tickets to that. Who would star? You need someone that grows into likability, and keeps the picture flowing as a kind of everyman, who, when he escapes his phone and his confines, finds that inner strength needed for basic survival as the government hunts him down for a murder he never commited.

Let's bring back North by Northwest!

Or, my other idea is pure gimmick, but, then again, so was Avatar. Let's use that Imax and 3D tech.

Make it for the Birds. With climate change? Finally we have a reason for the coordinated attacks at the small Bodega Bay, and can finally flesh out that final act that sucked so much in the end of that movie. But let's have some fun with the set pieces.

On a really big screen. I know they did a snippet at Universal Studios Orlando, way back when.

Again, someone posts the attacks online and people drive out to see what the deal is, and BOOM everyone is attacked. A higher body count.

Now those are reboots I'd like to see.

Or my favorite? Strangers on a Train. Two gay men have a delicious tryst on an overnight train up the California coast. One is married; one is in unfortunate relationship with his mother. In fact, one has been cyberstalking the other and has a bunch of ideas. Since they just met, he can remove his wife, if he'd remove his mother. Since they aren't linked outside of the brief tryst. When his wife is removed in a mysterious accident, the now-widowed man has to complete his side of the bargain. What he thought was a mere drunken dialogue is now a full blown story. If he goes to the police? Then he's part of the problem and could lose everything. Maybe he should follow through.......and we're off.

4.  Classic Horror

I'm sorry, I just won't get off this kick. Horror films today are so redundant that, well, a classic can never die. Zombie movies proliferate, gore is the norm, and bad guys tend to be repeat offenders.

Vampires also glitter. Werewolves have abs.

Great.

Turn back now, folks.

What I had professed so long ago about Dark Universe was what they suggested in that rancid turkey of The Mummy. They established an organization, run by the doctor Jekyll, that rids the world of such known horrors. Let's return the horrors back to where they are unseen. We know they exist. Just like we know the horrors of Washington DC. They are there, but away from us. As if untouchable. But they are out there and can do some serious damage.

Dracula? Maybe he did make it to the states and keep politicos in power. Good luck getting rid of him without creating a firestorm. The Gillman finally freed from his imprisonment due to climate change? The werewolf is a familial disease? There's something in all this.

3.  The Thin Man

Comedy mystery about alcoholics. No. Seriously. Written "Pre-code" meant that it was witty and hard-boiled, a dose of married life long before the television fun of "Moonlighting." In fact, "Moonlighting" is a terrific example of this story and how it works.

However, it's time for a reboot. Meaning, why couldn't it be a gay couple? They way I see it, is they are an older couple, finally retiring. And, since Nick Charles isn't on the force any more, he's out of the closet and ready for a holiday with his partner. They are from a different time and a different place, where everyone is out of the closet. Nick is dragged back in by the daughter of one of the men he helped find not guilty. That 'thin man' of the title is now missing, days before the daughter's wedding.

The running gag is, of course, they're hesistancy as they follow the trail of missing person-and not wanting to be as out as they should be. And finding the world has already moved on to the new normal.

2.  Screwball Comedies

I'm still working on this one and it reached outline forms. How many times has a gaydar clinked for me, only to find out that the man I thought was gay had a girlfriend. Of course, when I saw them later at the gay bar, I'd scream, "I knew it!"

In the 30s and the 40s these movies proliferated and were wonderful fun.

Then.

Now they borderline on sexist tales, and that's the trouble of it.

But, in my favorite, "Bringing Up Baby," Katheryn Hepburn knows she is destined to be with Cary Grant, who is engaged to someone else. She just pines for him and decides to use her wealthy to woo him in the most inappropriate manner. Of course, he really digs her, too, but he resists, for the has to stay at the status quo. He's engaged. His marriage has been arranged.

Let's queer it up, shall we?

Sure, the marriage will be to a nice young lady.

But the protagonist's gaydar is pinging left and right, and had been since they were in undergrad in college. He sticks to his charge like glue, saving him and saving him, until, of course, the marriage is toast.

All the while, making witty comebacks. Eventually, the focus of his love comes around.

And no drag.

1.  1984.

Here's the thing. Keep the basic premise. But? Use today's imagery and trajectory as your placement. Show what happens when the President blindly accuses foreign counties to war. That disregards humanity. That is pressured by big business. I see it as a horrifying amalgam of advertising that is played out Back to the Future 2 (projecting a false happiness), technology that has gone from helping to monitoring everything we do, and the tragic end of the workers who keep supporting people that have no care for them in any manner. This is the movie we need to revisit. Of course, the people I'm kinda targeting, will see right through it and scream afoul.

Can you imagine a person riling up their base to hate a group of people via technology so that it goes on throughout their lifes? Some say it would never happen. But there it is, in print, in 1984. Everyone has their  morning education on who they are to be mad at.

Making the very point I'm making, very, very true.

But 1984 has come around.   A president who wants nothing more than to make more war. Ignorance is strength? Of course it is. With anti-intellectualism on the rise to the point where people are telling me how to do my job even though I've studied it my whole life? Destroying schools so that public school results in good workers, and not free thinkers? That only the wealthy are in control? Yeah. We're there. Freedom is slavery.

Art has finally reflected life which is reflecting art. Ugh. It's time has finally come. Even if the date is off.