A Different Kind of Review

I lean on the shoulders of giants.

Seriously. Not a Thursday night goes by where I don't find myself sitting in for a decent reading session with Rogerebert.com, even after the master of film criticism has passed. His progeny proliferate and I sit in respectful awe of their talent. I try to copy their style, their wordings, here.

I know. Good luck with that.

But the writing is good, if not great. These are people who find homes in writing, places I can only dream of.

I've also leaned on the New York Times to find the ins-and-outs of restaurant writing. The fact is, I'm not a very good cook, so, nope, that's where I fail, horribly. I don't know the kinds of flavors I'm tasting. Adjectives allude me and it's rough.

Then there's this review.

And I have no active examples on what to say or do in terms of authoring a review of specific attraction at the Disney Parks. Oh. Sure, yeah, there's a few hundred blogs.

But they pretty much suck moosepenis. They're yahoos who are in it for the free tickets. So it's not like I can copy them. They'll just throw words at the screen and use the adjective "good," ten to twenty times.

And I'm not content to tow the party line on this. I love Disney, don't get me wrong, but there's also a reason I'm not clamoring for the free tickets. Same for when I was a movie critic. I requested my publisher give me money and head to the ticket booth and I see it when everyone else.  Probably would do the same thing today.

Basically, does this moment in art hold up to scrutiny? Does the meal satisfy? Does the music linger in the heart and mind? Does the painted image hold some kind of emotional resonance?

And does what Disney create transport us to another reality?

See, here's the deal. I live an hour from Disney. Best place, ever, if you want a "stay-cation." And it's always there, especially if you have no relative nearby and an annual pass to burn. However, like the sun, the moon, and the stars, it's always there. See, like, I lived in the shadow of Pikes Peak. Did I go up it? No, not very often. I did and I enjoyed it, but, there were times, when people came to visit and, I was, like, "yeah, not happening."

Either the crowds were too thick. The sun was too strong. That extra helping of whatever didn't agree with me and I felt safer with the can nearby.

So when Disney does it's media blitz for this novelty and that new thing, I perk up, and I do listen and get all excited. But this isn't going to make it or break it for me. EVERYONE and their trophies are going to be heading over to the crowded parks en masse and I have no urge to subject myself to that abuse. We'd tend to wait, see when anyone else is going and then jump on that bandwagon. I like the situation of it, the feel of it.

Disney's Animal Kingdom, I will mention, is not my favorite park. I find that the attractions are few, and the animals, once great and numerous, were emptied when Disney realized no one was walking over to see them. Of course, now that Hollywood is basically down for the count for the next several years, they have to make something worthwhile for people to head to. Animal Kingdom is huge, but really the animals were only out during the day; the naturalistic feel of the park made fora  hot, steamy afternoon. Bamboo thickets crowd the walkways, and the crowds press into each other. It was created with the idea that the guest was the explorer, but time and an increase in visitors have left that concept in the lurch. Disney was content to change very little about the park. The numbers were high and attendense hasn't slowed in many moons. Why change a thing?

Then people started cutting down their vacations to head to Universal.

And then the Hollywood Studios elected to become Star Wars land.

Animal Kingdom was ripe for the change. Magic Kingdom just got a new Fantasyland, and so that budget was moved away.

Animal Kingdom has some interesting choices coming up and I support the creativity. For one, they're getting an environmentally themed Tomorrowland, in the shape and scope of James Cameron's Avatar. A facinating choice, and I commend them on the attempt.

And this past Saturday, they started offering night activities. Right at the start of summer.

I was content to wait. Things get edited as the nights carry on and Disney learns what's popular and what's downright stupid.

But I have smart friends.

And they jumped when they saw that the backdoor was left open, as it were.

Ahem.

They snagged fastpasses galore for the biggest item of the night.

Nighttime safaris.

Yes, Kilimanjaro safaris is now open at night.

Now, understand, Disney has won awards for providing such care of their animals. They had them trained to come in at night from their huge savannah and into paddocks where vets could check on them and make sure their needs were being met. They could count the animals and all those things that needed to happen. But with wanting to stay open later, they had to retrain the beasts to stay out far from their cages and still feel safe.

The safari was interesting for me. You can see the same animals in a zoo, and, if needed, linger over them and study them, see them slightly closer than a ranger-lead open bus. However, with Disney's experience there's something about seeing the relaxation of the animals. They're moving about in huge, open areas, as they would be in the wild so the image they create is much more natural and realistic. Not only that, the herds move about the vehicles, giving the guests the feeling that they are part of the attraction.

But Florida is fucking hot. You're sitting with a few hundred strangers and they're sweating, we're sweating and everyone is looking over everyone.

So is the night any different?

Yes, actually.

First off, there's a quiet to the whole shebang, so as not to spook the animals. The lights are a deep red on the vehicle, helping your eyes adjust to the surroundings. The headlights are on, creating shadows and, yes, quite a few horror film references were made, but that meant we were there, in that moment. The animals, now cooled from the day or more docile, more relaxed, ready for sleep. We noticed that that comfort translates to them really not caring for the slow moving ride vehicles as they pass. They yawn, stretch and mumble past.

Now, this being Disney, there was a theme about saving the elephants when the attraction first open. Made sense. They were afraid that the animals might not be seen and were afraid that your trip would be a waste, so they shoehorned a tale in about "Big Red" and poachers and you had to go save the day.

It was nixed.

Something similar happens here.

No story, but, instead, two beautiful set pieces. A scrim created sunset greets you upon entrance to the larger holding area. At the end of the tour, there's moonlight. As if you've traveled through the lowlands of Africa in one night. The feeling you've gone on a journey.

So? Is it good?

Yes.

It's cooler, for one thing. And two, we noticed some of the animals just seem to be about more. Especially the rhinos, jiminychristmaskkah, the rhinos. In fact, I noticed three different trucks guarding the huge beasts, their eyesight being terrible in the dark. But still, they were there, and in greater number than the day. The lions were roaring (however my husOtter insists that was piped in); the gnu just sauntered past.

I also noticed that lamps were hidden in the trees. When animals drew near, they came on, but very slowly, so as not to scare the creatures. This means we had the deliciously creepy experience of seeing moving palm trees in shadow suddenly sprout ears and spots and become giraffes. This was not a special effect. It was our collective minds playing tricks on us.

We also got to see the famed Tree of Life come to, well, life. Disney is now using the projections that they use on the castle curing the Magic fireworks, to make each sculpture come to life on that immense centerpiece. And, about every fifteen minutes or so, a small tale is projected, using characters that are strangely similar to Bambi or Todd the fox from The Fox and the Hound. Strangely, this seemed to be largely experimental, without mention of when the vignettes were going to happen. So your chance to see it is really hit or miss, which is too bad, because the surface area of the tree is HUGE and so the images are a bit easier to see.

No fireworks. Animals nearby, remember?

But that aspect seemed also pretty much too new to totally be enjoyed. I know I'll have to go back and see how it works. And if I had spent a few gazillion bucks to fly out with my family to see it, I might miss it and be bothered by that.

Some other night items? A new Bollywood presentation, ala Fantasmic, based on the The Jungle Book. However, it was packed as well.

And, as I started this documentation, I can wait, sometimes.

Unless my really smart friends get more fast passes and force me out of my sluggish comfort zone.

And here's my dilemma. As a critic? Yes, I feel this moment, this piece of artistry is evident and truly magical. However, I kept thinking that there was something unfinished, something like hitting a stream already flowing to the sea. The sense of journey is present but not totally ironed out to make it accessible to a large audience. I'd be curious to see if changes are implemented in the near future, to make the story and imagery stronger and more accessible.