Ugh.

I shouldn't write about this. I'm, by no means, an authority on guns, or violence. Heck, I don't anyone who survived, and I don't know who was slaughtered.

I'm not the correct choice, but, at the same time, I feel compelled to author something. 

Cause I'm here. I'm a member of this nation, this planet. And I'm gay. 

There was a massacre at a gay nightclub. 

Not only that, I've been here before. 

Nathan Dunlap, upset over being fired, walked into a Showbiz Pizza place and shot up the place.  Article

The same place behind my middle school where, when I had extra quarters, I'd walk over and play video games at. 

That was close. Too close. 

See, there was a shooting in Colorado-as a school a friend of mine had just finished student teaching at. I had driven by and talked to her while she was there.  Yes, it was Colombine.

I knew that school.

That was close to home, emotionally, physically.

And then there was a shooting in a Colorado movie theater, during the The Dark Knight Rises.

The same...too close. That was the theater I had seen numerous movies, including taking my tyke of niece to see various cartoons with large popcorns; my dad and I escaping to see The Blair Witch Project to see if it was real or not. 

There's a humor in all of this. It may seem like I'm the harbinger of death, doesn't it. But the fact is, I don't own a gun, never will. In fact, it's something my husOtter completely agree on. We're men of faith. Thou shall not kill. 

Neither will we. 

No guns. 

I mean, what good will they do? I love hearing how great they are and how people are so proud of having them and keeping people safe. I have YET to hear of one story where a mass murderer was stopped by a bystander with a handgun.

You're going to google to prove me wrong, which is interesting. Because it says something more about you, the reader, than my statement. You need to justify yourself. As if the piles of dead bodies aren't enough to convince you that there's a problem. 

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Where was the Pope's gun? Just curious. I saw 10 men with guns around Reagan. And they were trained. And they fucked up big time. 

Now? Let's stop for a minute. When did it become a conversation about weaponry? 

And when the fuck are we getting to Orlando?

There was a shooting in Orlando. The thing I thought I was unqualified to talk about. But, like the other shots that were fired, are waaaay too close to my heart. I am gay. 

I know, surprise.

And I've been to gay clubs. Our safehouse. Before I came out, it was the only place I could others of my tribe, my color, my community. I got my first apartment across the street from the gay bar and would go there to watch football and play pool. It was a place where I could be, where many could just...be. To hear it shattered, again, by a religious nut is, at once, upsetting, and strangely, predictable. 

The fact is, we got marriage rights, but we're far from out of the woods yet. I mean, if the governor can declare a state of emergency without mentioning the word lesbian, gay, or anything about a sexual minority ONCE, you know, still, the state of Florida hates you. Even if it happened in a gay club. They don't even acknowledge that you exist. Lest we forget, Florida was one of the few states that didn't want to issue marriage licenses. 

Reminds me of the 80s, which I also lived through. When no one seemed to want to mention anything about the AIDS epidemic.

*)  EDIT:  I found this. Please notice who DIDN'T acknowledge the LGBT community: https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/national/how-lawmakers-responded-to-the-orlando-mass-shooting/

In fact, fucking Fox News with their ongoing coverage. That media outlet, which has singlehandedly kept gay rights at bay for the past few years is reporting about this, the fucking dingletwats. This is the channel that would invite Ralph Reed and Dobson on as "experts" on all things nongay.

And they're getting ratings.

Or my friends who, instead of checking on me or my friends, posted about, "here comes Obama, watch, he'll want our guns!" Not...are you okay?

And I'm not okay, not one bit. Pile this heap with shit from my nieces (yes, plural) dying in a car wreck, being robbed, both the cat and the dog dying, and then 10 weeks of the flu-and you have me in a corner, so I'm going to get all catty. Sorry.

I'm just so sorry.

No, I'm not blaming Islam, either. I did have some pause that, after 4 days of visiting us in Orlando, President Obama met with the Saudi princes at the White House-a country that executes gays. Yes, that's state business, but....come ON. 

Yes, I'm venting. The fact is, gun control may not be the answer, but I do believe, strongly, that research needs to be completed. Something that the NRA refuses to allow so they lobby against it. Makes sense. With every shooting, people buy more guns. Less violence in media? Sure, that's an old chestnut, but if it were totally true, there'd be MORE violence, not less. I do like the idea of doing background checks. That doesn't keep guns from people, IMHO. But, like, what the fuck do I know. I want something to happen, but my head's too wrapped up in everything to really know what course of action to take.

Here are some actions you can take, however:

One Blood

Please donate blood. Of course, I'm a bit peeved about this too. Imagine if my husOtter was dying and needed blood. But the gays? We can't donate. Fuck!

Pulse Tragedy Fund through the Center of Orlando

Pulse Victims Fund via Equity Florida

But enough with the prayers. If the community wasn't already in your prayers, then you don't start now. DO. Let's DO something.