Another different kind of Review: Stranger in a Strange Land

First the Handmaid's Tale. A novel approach to, well, a novel-it went ahead and made me think of critiquing something in a different manner.

Such a brave new world, with such people in it.

Now? This.

As you know, I'm kinda into my Disney crap. This blog is not a location for such elaboration, but more of an intro as to where I'm going with this. I was afforded an opportunity this weekend, on Mother's Day, to be exact, to see Disney World's latest "land" over at their Animal Kingdom. This land? This specific locale is based on the famed Avatar and it's setting, the off-planet moon of Pandora. This new land located in the area that used to be housing Camp Minnie-Mickey, a completely failed attempt to fill space that was going to be holding the "legendary beasts" section of the park. They already had real animals. They had extinct animals over in Dinoland. This was going to be the corner of the park that housed dragons and mythical beasts, you know, animals that Never Were. But, Disney, seeing they were already making money, used the excuse that Harry Potter was claimed over at Universal and would be giving similar experiences, just threw some old Lion King parade floats into a warehouse, hired acrobats and dancers (much easier to replace when they break down) and called it a land.

Quick! Duck! One of the sights that was replaced at Pandora.

And there, it languished. The land was fun to see a show in air-conditioning and sell a shitload of character photos, something they must be making a mint over, because they keep offering it.

This show has been moved to the Africa section of the park-and is still going strong. 

But now they decided to do something.

Okay, before I continue, lemme say, there's going to be spoilers, keep that in mind. I'm not going to hold back, here, so, read at your own bloody peril, okay?

But, see, that Harry Potter land, or, now, lands over at Universal? They took business.

It seems people want to see dragons, especially, in droves. And it hurt Disney. It hurt Disney so much that their much ballyhoo'd New Fantasyland didn't even cause a blip on the radar. Disney has ruled this area for so long, they were kicked and shocked that people would cancel two or three days at their Magic Kingdoms to head up the road to see Harry.

Shh, do you think the tourists would notice if we clone a ride from Cali? Nah, what do they know, they're tourists!

Couple that with a looming 50th anniversary that raked in the dough over in California (I would know, I was there), they had to make a decision. They need some major work.  Hollywood Studios is getting Star Wars Land and Toy Story Land. EPCOT is looking at, at least, two rumored new countries.

And Animal Kingdom had this space, that's for sure. It's a great little park. I mean that. I say, 'little' as a nicety. It is physically the largest of the theme parks, with huge spaces for the animals to truly roam. But the park access is actually a bit of a slice of it. Massively forested, it holds a change from the rest of the parks, a feel that is truly unique. It doesn't have the dreams that Magic Kingdom does or the amount of intellectual properties therein; it doesn't have the allure of Hollywood majesty and dreaming that is housed over in Hollywood Studios. EPCOT truly holds it's own and is very similar to Animal Kingdom. In fact, my husOtter adores the place.

Animal Kingdom was built on a spirit of discovery, but, unlike the technology vision of EPCOT, here, there are trails that lead to small paddocks holding this animal or that. Storylines, the bread-and-butter of many Disney attractions, are unique. There is a gorilla enclosure made to look like an animal survey team; a private tiger reserve for a mildly Indian kingship is another location.

But there's no Tomorrowland here, folks.

No look to the future of animals and conservation. No intrusion of a possible Utopian future, like you can see over at Magic Kingdom or EPCOT.

That was their angle. Forget the dragons, how about a planet where conservation was also what they were looking into.

Enter:  Avatar.

I'm not going to lie to y'all. I thought the movie sucked so bad, I could replace my Hoover on the living room carpet. It was devoid of life or originality. The themes were so simple and bold colored, a neon sign would pale in comparison. Characters were written from the back of a Pop Tart box. You can predict every moment in the film. Avatar was the creation of James Cameron, a filmmaker this film critic has mixed emotions about. The dude cranks out money makers for some reason. But, there are some truly great moments, early in his career. Terminator is it's own world and a terrific cross genre horror sci-fi. Aliens bests the movie it is a sequel to. True Lies is wonderfully creative, playing to the strengths of all the performers. But, like Micheal Bay, Cameron's ego takes over and the set pieces take over and, eventually, distract from the original tale. Titanic cuts zero new ground-but everyone loved it and it became the highest grossing film of all time. And, see, this is why I have mixed emotions about him. He, truly, brings the grand scale of the tragedy to detailed life.

And he made Avatar. A movie that earned even more money than Titanic.  He made to be on the big screen, with beautiful 3-D. It's gorgeous. But the story is so bland, I was torn between liking it and wondering why I spent extra money on seeing it in Imax.  The story is about a race of aliens, called the Na'vi, that are at harmony with their planet's, Pandora's, environment.  Twelve feet tall and blue felines, humans cannot walk amoungst them, since the air is lethal.  So 'avatars' are created and humans can control them and fit into their small band and society. But there's still a male dominated society, there's still sexual politics, there're still... us. It was evident that Mr. Cameron did not, at the very least, research indigenous peoples in any manner.  Love magically spawns between two people that cannot be more dissimilar and, yes, his ego shines right through the flat motion picture. It was more like a ride at Disney World than an actual movie.  Filmed in Imax, as mentioned, and 3-D, the images included us in the tale, pulled us in on a level like never before.

So that's a Na'vi. They look like thin people and just as angry.

We had bizarre alien animals floating around our heads, the lights flew out of the screen and into our laps. A digital acid trip.

Which brings us to this review.

There are no Avatar conventions. No one chooses to be a native Na'vi when they cosplay. They don't study the fictional language, like Klingon.

Yes, I'm making broad generalizations. But, truly, think about it and it's place in pop culture.

If you squint, really hard, you might see a Na'vi. Maybe? 

I was surprised when they selected the intellectual property at all. A popular (well, if you look at the cash flow) movie (not critically, me included), licensed it (it is Fox) and just went with it.

Here's the thing.

It works, if only for a bit.

Even with my hardened distaste for the movie, Disney did something with it that even Mr. Cameron couldn't. They made it more interesting. It's much more interesting than the movie, that's for sure. Every optical illusion the movie created? Ever moment of CGI digital amazement?

Created in real time. That jaw dropping concept is right there. See, the planet/moon/whatever, Pandora has lower gravity than Earth. Chunks of the ground float in space.

And they do here, too. In real time.  Real plants blend with bleching, glowing mushrooms, and moving roots.  Tree stumps echo music when you bounce them like a drum. There's a true sense of place.

One of those fabricated plants that does...stuff.

We were given a 3 hour time slice, but really, I noticed we left early.

Because it is, physically very small. It's vertical, reaching to the sky, but it doesn't spread out. The Imagineers have pathways, this way and that, and photographers everywhere, encouraging further photos, but it's small, like Mickey's Birthdayland or their current Circusland back by the train station in Fantasyland.

What brief tale there is, Alpha Centauri Expeditions (ACE) are offering guests eco-tourism to the small moon. Of course, it's a six month stint in a sleep pod, but that part might have been dropped.

It's so small they built only two attractions, one on top of another. The first plays like an introduction to the imagination behind it, called the Na'vi River Journey. The queue is beautiful, a tent like structure, with wicker folk art that looks like smoke and fire. From the tent? Puft. You are in a cave and it's night. No transition, like on Pirates of the Caribbean.  It's a bit jarring. What is also jarring? This is beautiful. That's it. I've heard several complaints, not completely unwarranted, about this. There's no tale to be told, just creative lighting and movement. Strangely, I'm okay with it. I noticed video screens cleverly located throughout the ride, so more story could be added, I suppose, after the sequels finally open. There is a fifth generation audioanimatronic on the ride, but in today's day and age, I don't think everyone really appreciates it. She moves and sings and has a huge range of motion, to the point you begin to wonder if she'll say your name gleaned from your Magic Band ticket. But the lack of a story? Pirates didn't have one when it opened, It's a Small World really doesn't either. I'm okay with it. What is also nice? The boats are only two rows. There's a feeling that this is private and I noticed people speaking in hushed tones.

Someone took time to make this wicker art in the queue at River Journey. And it's beautiful.

The other attraction? The Flights of Passage. At first, like a delicious bottle of Coke, hit me and it was a sugar rush. It's a Soarin' kind of exhibit, a huge screen that flies you out and over the native terrain. It does break some new ground. It's more of a motorcycle seat this time around, not the usual movie seats. There's a small camera, so you can hyperlink to your avatar before riding on one of the dragon-like 'banshees' from the movie. With the new physical placement of the guest, they have added more tactile components. Now you can feel the breathing and heartbeat of the animal you are mounted on, along with the usual tilts and leans. Plus, like Back to the Future and the Simpsons over at Universal, you are broken up into teams of 8 for each experience. That means it feels more like a personal experience, not one that you are sharing with a few hundred sweaty strangers. Lastly, they didn't go the route of some any other attractions, where 'something goes wrong' and the ride's conflict increases. Instead, like the River Journey,  you are just flying through some breathtaking visuals. It was evident, here, too, that the images were digitally projected. That means they can replace the film probably with more elements from the sequel.

More wicker art, this one a flying beast, called a Banshee, heralding the start of the queue.

It also shows a confidence. They are going out on a Disney limb here. I admire that and that sways my opinion more positive than negative. They expanded their culinary talents with creative food that are truly creature comforts presented imaginatively-like Japanese bowls of noodles or Chinese "bao" called pods. Drinks dotted with fruit flavored tapioca balls. A creative 'rookery' where you buy the banshee from earlier in baby (puppet) form and have it perch on your shoulder. You can even get a 3-D printed avatar action figure of, well, yourself.

Bao? Bao.

So, yes, massive creativity.

But we still left early.

And, like that can of Coke, I noticed my sugar rush ran flat the closer I got to the parking lot. The scope is there, but why? There's a sense that this is temporary, that there's more to come. And that leaves a bit of something. The potential is there, yes, but I kept wanting more. I heard that there's even more fun at night, with light up pavement and the flora moving. Maybe? Will that make it?

I don't think it's worth of a solitary trip, however. I don't think this is a game changer, something that will lengthen a person's day at the half-day park. I do think it is a wonderful addition and it is impressive. I'm also curious to see what else they will achieve with further updates.